oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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