WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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