it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
