If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
