Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
