U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
