In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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