how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
