I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
