Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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