i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
