Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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