So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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