You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize