Plan B is the new Plan A
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
