Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize