I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
