He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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