I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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