Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
