Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize