I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
