I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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