Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
