This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
