you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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