I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm both gender and math confused
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
