Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
