I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
