is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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