can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
