just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize