We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
