she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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