so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
