my vag is so smooth its legendary
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
