You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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