I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
