I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
