ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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