At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
