Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
