I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
