I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
