this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
and you said cock pushups were impossible
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
