is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
