i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
