I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
