I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize