I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
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