I can text with my tongue
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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