At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
