Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
