i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I need to align my fucking chakras
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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