she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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