He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
