You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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