We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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