Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
