The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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