I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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