Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
