He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
