I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
