He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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