Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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