Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
