I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
