I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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