The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
